10th November 2010

Published November 10th, 2010

I took the dogs for a walk in the afternoon instead of the evening.  I found some kids playing football in the park.  There were two sets.  One was a group of around 15 youngesters i guess between the ages of 10 and 15. The other group consisted of three older teenagers or even twenty-somethings kicking the ball around in a circle.  Nothing unusual about any of that really.

What interested me was the group of 15 young kids.  I must have watched them for around an hour and there wasn’t a cross word or a person disrespected the whole time i was there.  They played solidly, happily while i watched amazed at their closeness and camaraderie.  Very impressive.

But there was a little fellow around 12 I guess who sat watching the whole time.  He didnt try to get involved in the group, didnt smile, just watched. I imagined that he really wanted to join the group and play with them but i wasnt sure whether that was my own imagination – he was probably tired or disinterested in football. 

Its funny how the memory works.  Even though the little boy was a lovely caramel colour with black hair he reminded me of Seth who is pale with brown hair.  All those times i watched him when he wasyoung, watching kids play. Poor Seth, he so desperately wanted to belong to a group like that. 

One particular time i remember we were at the beach with a group of families all with children around the same age as my two boys – maybe 8 and 12.  Mick had a couple of friends so he was with them throughout the day but Seth………………he was so excited we were going to the beach and he knew there would be heaps of kids for him to play with.  He was keyed up all the way in the car jabbering non stop.  Actually i think it was that trip where we took one of Micks friends with us and during the drive to the beach (around 35 mins), i asked the kids general knowledge questions (this was what i did often to help the kids learn and to pass the time so we didnt get the ‘are we there yet?’ ‘are we there yet?’ scenario.

Anyway this young lad was quite intelligent and was getting all the answers right.  Then there was a horrible horrible smell in the car and everyone rolled down their windows and there was a cacophany of “phews’ and ‘oh no’s’.  In between holding my nose and swiping at the air in front of me to try and get the smell out the window, I said, ‘who did that?’  After a few seconds, Seth said ‘it was me!’  Then quietly almost under his breath said ‘at least i got THAT one right!’  Everyone yelped with laughter, but the smell hadnt quite left us so the more we laughed the more we gulped in the foul air.

I digress.

When we got to the beach Seth leapt out of the car and went over to the group of kids.  They all knew each other and they all knew Seth.  As soon as he walked over to the group, almost as one, they moved away from him.  He was too young to realise what was going on so he moved closer and so it continued until they all ran away from him.  He was too little to keep up so he came back to the adults where i had been watching this.  I remember that this was before i got sober so i was drinking but not drunk or anything.  I had seen what had happened to him and as he came back to sit with me i felt so so sorry for him.  At the time i dont think he had really cottoned on to what had happened, but as the day wore on more of the same happened.

I will never ever forget that day.  The other kids played some sort of ball game while little Seth sat and watched them longingly.  He had tried to join in but they wouldnt let him and he just didnt understand.  Mick wasnt a great help either.  Everything that Seth did alienated people from him.  He was immature, boisterous, over-excitable and over-powering but it was all because it was the only way he knew to get the attention of his peers.

The same thing is still happening.  He has no friends.  When he meets someone who does become a friend, its not long before they leave him.  He doesnt understand why this keeps happening.  He has a normal IQ so he knows that he wants to be like other people his age but he is too damaged to make that happen.

It devastates me when he rings and says that such and such wouldnt take his call, or he went over to see some person he thought was his mate only to find that they slammed the door in his face.

He doesent undersstand why this happens – he is clueless about why he has this effect on people and it hurts him so much.  He had his 21st and invited all his friends but no one came. 

On a lighter note……………………….. nah – maybe tomorrow

Category: Blog | Tags: