She of the ‘Hard Life’

Published January 18th, 2007

 ‘She had a hard life’ – they whispered
The excuse carelessly repeated
when nothing else could possibly
explain the behaviour of the person who called herself my mother.
She thrived on the casual manipulation
of her family –me.
At six I became responsible
for the feelings of she who had many – all negative.
To cope
I took walks away from her
With my music
One particular song
Describing my pain in its
sad, evocative words -
‘Wont you look down upon me Jesus, you’ve got to help me make a stand.  I’m not going to make it any other way’
Even then – one day at a time
Any strategy that helped me survive her ‘love’
Which was unlike anything resembling the word
And later not even the pretence -
‘’You are nothing to me’
And I wasn’t even a bad girl then
But those words drilled into my brain
And the only thing that stopped them
Eventually became the mortal enemy
To the two jewels in the crown of my life

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